Best Lawyer Jokes Of All Time

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5 hours ago

1. A secretary, a paralegal and a lawyer in a Minnesota law firm are walking through Como Park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
2. What does an attorney who works from home call his office? A: His legal pad.
3. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.
4. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and asked him how much he charged. The lawyer responded “it’s $100 for three questions.” “Isn’t that a lot?” asked the man.
5. I busted a mirror the other day. That’s seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
6. What do call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A: Your Honor.
7. What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. And his son? Bill.
8. Why do they bury lawyers 10 feet under instead of 6? A: Because deep down, they’re good people.
9. What do lawyers use for birth control? A. Their personalities.
10. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? A: The pronunciation. We hope you laughed at a few of these. Heard a better one? Tell us your joke in the comments section!
Estimated Reading Time: 2 mins
Published: Apr 22, 2015

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5 hours ago The crowd parted. Lying in front of the car was a donkey. 11. A lawyer’s closing speech was dragging on into its second hour when he suddenly stopped and told the judge: “Your honor, a juror is asleep.”. The judge replied: “You put him to sleep. You wake him up.”. 12.

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5 hours ago 20 Lawyer Jokes You Should Never Tell

Estimated Reading Time: 6 mins
1. It’s Funny Cause It’s True. How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway? Only three. The rest are true stories. Featured Programs: Sponsored School(s) Rasmussen University.
2. Have a Cigar … A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared he was losing the case and asked his senior partner if he should send a box of cigars to the judge to curry favor.
3. Of Swine and Men … A rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car that breaks down in the countryside one evening. They walk to a nearby farm and the farmer tells them it’s too late for a tow truck but he has only two extra beds and one of them will have to sleep in the barn.
4. You Can’t Get Mad at Gravity … How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
5. Unless It’s One of Our Witnesses, Of Course … What separates witnesses from the lowest form of life on earth? The wooden partitions around the witness stand.
6. No Good Question Goes Unbilled … A man went to a lawyer and asked what his fee was. “$100 for three questions,” answered the lawyer. “Isn’t that a little steep?”
7. Double Time … What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
8. In Flames and Inflamed … A man was sent to hell for his sins. As he was being led into the pits for an eternity of torment, he saw a lawyer passionately kissing a beautiful woman.
9. K-99 Problems … What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman pinscher.
10. Speaking Ill of the Dead … One day the phone rang at a law office and when the receptionist answered a man asked to speak to Mr. Dewey. “I’m sorry, sir,” the receptionist said.

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2 hours ago

1. The Case of The Imaginary Dogs. My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who complained about her barking dogs. At one point, the judge asked the neighbor a question.
2. The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: “Just because you did it doesn’t mean you’re guilty.”
3. What Does DUMB Stand For? While serving jury duty, I noticed that the defense attorney seemed a bit nervous. At one point, he picked up a piece of evidence and asked his client, who was on the witness stand, “I see an acronym on this receipt.
4. Six Dumb Questions Real Lawyers Asked In Court. “How many times have you committed suicide?” “Were you alone or by yourself?” “Was it you or your brother who was killed?”
5. Trappiest Place on Earth. A man won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland after he got stuck on the It’s a Small World ride. He said he’ll use the money to cut out the part of his brain that won’t stop playing “It’s a Small World After All.”
6. I Don’t Say “Hey” Pro Bono. A lawyer e-mailed a client: “Dear Jennifer: Thought I saw you on the street the other day. Crossed over to say hello, but it wasn’t you, so I went back.
7. Long Tour of Duty. I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello.
8. A Little Too Literal. If you’re interested in becoming a lawyer, you’ll need a degree. But as these court transcripts reveal, the question is, in what?
9. Roll Call. I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter.
10. The First Case. An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. "Mr. Peterson," she says. " Would you say you're honest?"

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4 hours ago If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator —- It would be a good idea to just leave them there. #186. A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. …Benjamin Franklin. #187. A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast.

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6 hours ago Studying law is generally seen as a very serious intellectual pursuit, that requires a good deal of intelligence and dedication to successfully complete. While this is absolutely true, it doesn't mean that students have to leave their sense of humor at the door! Turns out, that all those long, hard hours of study help to nurture a special kind

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3 hours ago 30+ Hilarious Lawyer Jokes. July 8, 2020. September 12, 2019. by Emma. A lawyer’s profession has always been confused by someone who himself has never had to associate with the occupation. This I why lawyers are the subject of everyone’s jokes. If you have any lawyer friend in your group you will know how easy it is to make their fun.

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1 hours ago

1. A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." " Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter.
2. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
3. One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
4. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
5. A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
6. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill.
7. At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"
8. What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller.
9. The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm.
10. How many lawyer jokes are in existence? Only three. All the rest are true stories. Tags. Folklaw. Share. Share this article on: Facebook. Twitter. LinkedIn.

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8 hours ago A: Shoot the lawyer twice. Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

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Just Now All Kinds of Funny (110) Bar Exam Jokes (4) Changing Light Bulb (5) Courtroom Humor (11) Dark Lawyer Humor (15) Dirty Lawyer Jokes (10) Funny Lawyer Questions (29) Law School Jokes (6) Summer Internships (1) Funny Legal Cartoons (20) Funny Legal Quotations (26) Law Practice Jokes (19) Criminal Law Jokes (1) Divorce Lawyer Jokes (6) Litigation

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8 hours ago A lawyer was holding his his briefcase whilst cross examining the witness, eventually he rested his case. When a lawyer speaks for a long time, there is usually an extended sentence. What do most lawyers wear to work? Law suits. A lawyer walks …

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5 hours ago The Greatest Lawyer Jokes Of All Time is published by Pipers Willow, and is available online or at your local bookstore (that is, if you ask them to order a copy for you). The ISBN-13 is 978-0978727772. The retail price is only $9.95, so even if you don’t like the book you’ve at least got a cheap gift for the lawyer in your life.

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9 hours ago

1. Author: ROBERT LIWANAG
Uploaded: Sep 05, 2020
Estimated Reading Time: 6 mins
Published: Sep 15, 2021
2. This Lawyer Is Thorough… The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” asks the accused. “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”
3. Trappiest Place on Earth. “A man won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland after he got stuck on the It’s a Small World ride. He said he’ll use the money to cut out the part of his brain that won’t stop playing ‘It’s a Small World After All.'”
4. Long Tour of Duty. I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello.
5. A Little Too Literal. If you’re interested in becoming a lawyer, you’ll need a degree. But as these court transcripts reveal, the question is, in what? Attorney: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
6. Roll Call. I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter.
7. The First Case. An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she says. “Would you say you’re honest?”
8. Court of Less Appeal. Justice isn’t just blind—it’s snickering at these real courtroom give-and-takes: Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?
9. Frame of Reference. When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers. “Have you ever dealt with an attorney?”
10. The Judgment. After I prosecuted a man for killing a bird out of season with his slingshot, the court clerk suggested setting up a date for him to return with both the money for the fine and proof of community service.
11. Protesting Too Much. Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm’s client denied the allegations. So when the victim pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously.

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4 hours ago It’s Time to Get a New Lawyer When Joke. Posted in Lawyer Jokes Lawyer Joke 1 A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. “Which side is it best to lie on?” she asked. Funny Law Jokes. Posted in Lawyer Jokes. Funny Law 1 Anthony’s Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Funny Law 2

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3 hours ago A: The tick falls off when you are dead. Ideas for the top 101 funny lawyer jokes were taken from the following sources.[1] Brain Dead – Lawyer Joke. [2] Jokes.lol – The Best Lawyer Joke. [3] icicle software – Lawyer Joke Collection. [4] Paralegal.edu – 20 Lawyer Joke You Should Never Tell.

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Just Now

1. A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. “There must be some mistake,” the lawyer argues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only 55.” “Fifty-five?” says Saint Peter.
2. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
3. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together, when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill.
4. A criminal lawyer tells the defendant, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” asks the defendant. “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”
5. A man phones a lawyer and asks, “How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?”. The lawyer replies, “A thousand dollars”.
6. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, “Why are all the blinds drawn?” The nurse answered, “There’s a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to think you had died.”
7. Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.
8. Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”
9. Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Only three. The rest are true stories. 10 Real Court Transcripts: From courtroom transcripts: Q: What is your date of birth?

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9 hours ago Oct 1, 2021 - The life of a lawyer is stranger than fiction. Lawyer jokes and law humor. Specializing in traffic ticket jokes (that is not a legal definition). See more ideas about lawyer jokes, humor, jokes.

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Just Now Here are our best lawyer jokes that we hope you find appealing. What’s the difference between a bad lawyer and a good lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows

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2 hours ago Lawyers Jokes. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔. I am over 18. An irate woman bursts through the doors of a bar, angrily screaming, "All lawyers are assholes!" This enrages a patron at the end of the bar, who stands up and shouts, "Hey! I take offense to that!"

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6 hours ago Category: All Kinds of Funny, Dirty Lawyer Jokes, Judges, Jury, Law Practice Jokes, Law Practitioner Jokes, Lawyers, Prosecutors, Uncategorized Love-triangle Brawl Leads to Trial Judge Suspension A Wal-Mart brawl with the new lover of his estranged wife led the Arkansas Supreme Court to suspend a trial judge for 30 days in October.

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5 hours ago This page was created by our editorial team.Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

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6 hours ago Best lawyer jokes ever - Unijokes.com - 337 Lawyer jokes - page 4. An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer "I have a proposition for you…". "You can win every case you try for the rest of your life.

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1 hours ago Right about the time I entered law school, people started telling me lawyer jokes. That trend continued into my practice and I’ve noticed something about those jokes — most of them are downright terrible, but a few are actually pretty darn good and are worth sharing.

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1 hours ago Lawyer jokes are great because we need to jab a needle in the pomposity that seems to be our specialty. Above the Law readers are offered 1 free

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Just Now The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years.” “I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. read more »

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6 hours ago Best lawyer jokes ever - Unijokes.com - 337 Lawyer jokes - page 2. A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms. The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light. They came to the Lawyer's room.

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3 hours ago These guys had it coming to them. Many of us have had run-ins with lawyers and will easily be able to relate to this grand collection of lawyer jokes. It s one lawyer bashing joke after another, relentlessly pummelling them into the ground. It s lawyer humor at its very best.

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9 hours ago I need the best lawyer jokes you got! So my Media Law final exam is tomorrow and the professor said that if I can provide the best lawyer joke ever, he'll give me 5 extra points. Please help me, Reddit.

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1 hours ago A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got £25 between us.”. The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers… we had £100 when we broke in!”.

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9 hours ago Fortunately, Lawyers Weekly has curated some of the best (and worst) law jokes on the internet to brighten up your day. Sink your teeth into the 2017 edition of the best and worst jokes the online legal community has to offer – now with 100 per cent more memes.

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3 hours ago Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle? A: A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside. Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer. << See All of our Jokes Categories Here!

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7 hours ago The Greatest Lawyer Jokes Of All Time: A Collection of Humor about Attorneys and the Legal Profession by William L. Pfeifer, Jr. If you love to laugh at lawyers, or you are a lawyer who can laugh at your own profession, this is a book you must own.

Reviews: 4
Format: Paperback
Author: William L. Jr. Pfeifer

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Just Now Lawyer jokes - jokes about lawyers (1 to 10) - Jokes about lawyer. These are funny jokes with lawyers! The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean

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6 hours ago

1. Be classy with the emails.
2. Losing a case. A man sued an airline company after it mislaid his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case. # amwriting #lawyerjokes #nearlyFriday #jokes. — Tony Batton (@thetonybatton) December 7, 2017.
3. Where there’s a will… “Where there is a will there is a lawsuit” — Addison Mizner #lawsuit #best #jokes. — Best Lawyer Jokes (@bestlawyersjoke) December 8, 2015.
4. The right to remain silent. A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” “You are the lawyer.” said the policeman.
5. Payrate breakdown.
6. Eggers, Eggers, Eggers, and Eggers, Attorneys at Law. Three generations of Eggers in one practice. They hatch so fast.
7. Bickers & Bickers, Attorneys at Law. Sounds like the judge will be given an earful.
8. Good vs great lawyer. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. # lawyerjokes.
9. Alicia A. Slaughter, Personal Injury Attorney. Ouch.
10. Things paralegals say? It’s on the Reminder List I sent you Monday. It’s on the Nag list I sent you Tuesday. It’s on the PLEASE list I sent you Wednesday.

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1 hours ago I'm a lawyer. My friends and family tell me jokes all the time and I wanted some new material. I can take a joke and rarely get offended. Everyone knows a lot of jokes about lawyers are insinuating they aren't honest. I gave the book two stars because I just didn't think these were funny. 99% of them were just calling lawyers liars and cheats.

Reviews: 96
Format: Paperback
Author: Steven D. Price

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5 hours ago The guy (lets call him John) has been dreaming about being the greatest lawyer in the state for years, and has spent the past half a decade working super hard at law school to achieve this goal. One day, he gets an interview for a highly successful …

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3 hours ago A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly

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5 hours ago lawyer JOKES (random) A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

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2 hours agoBest Lawyer Jokes (@bestlawyersjoke) January 6, 2016 Where there is a will there is a lawsuit.Addison Mizner #lawsuit #best #jokesBest Lawyer Jokes (@bestlawyersjoke) December 8, 2015

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9 hours ago The Library's patrons are the best, so we've searched the planet for the best lawyer Q & A jokes, and here they are. [And remember, anyone who sends in a joke we use gets $1,000,000,000.*] ----- What's the difference between a porcupine and an ambulance chasing BMW carrying three lawyers?-- A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

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4 hours ago Dec 31, 2016 - Explore Gina Matthiesen's board "Law and Real Estate Humor" on Pinterest. See more ideas about humor, legal humor, lawyer jokes.

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4 hours ago Funny Lawyer Quotes. 'If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.'. Joe Martin A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500.'. Benjamin H. Brewster In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and

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6 hours ago A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

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8 hours ago A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In Russia, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can …

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5 hours ago The Best Lawyers in America was first published in 1983. Since then, the same tried and tested peer review process has been used consistently for more than thirty years. While the scope and scale of this publication has dramatically grown over the past three decades, the core mission of Best Lawyers to highlight the top legal talent in America has remained the unchanged.

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8 hours ago Best Lawyers is the only purely peer review™ guide to the legal profession. We provide lawyer rankings so identifying highly respected attorneys is simple.

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1 hours ago 3.His Lawyer 'Well, today I found out I don't have long to live. So I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave.' read more »

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8 hours ago Best Legal Movies of All Time. 1. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) Error: please try again. Atticus Finch, a lawyer in the Depression-era South, defends a black man against an undeserved rape charge, and his children against prejudice. Director: Robert Mulligan Stars: Gregory Peck, John Megna, Frank Overton, Rosemary Murphy. 2.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Are there any jokes about being a lawyer?

You’ve heard that one, along with a million other lawyer jokes that people have sprung on you from the moment you first announced you were going to school to be a paralegal. Some of them probably even get told around the law office. Even lawyers like to laugh and there are a lot of aspects of legal practice that are ripe for a little deadpan humor.

Can you laugh at law puns?

Whether you’re guilty or innocent, our law puns, legal puns and law school jokes will make you laugh even in court. A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself.

Do you have a sense of humour in law?

In a profession as serious as law, it’s sometimes easy to forget to have a sense of humour. So we’ve collated ten lawyer jokes to kick off the working year. Disclaimer: The content in this article does not constitute legal advice.

Do lawyers like to make fun of themselves?

Some of them probably even get told around the law office. Even lawyers like to laugh and there are a lot of aspects of legal practice that are ripe for a little deadpan humor. Still, even lawyers who like to make fun of themselves and their profession have some limits.

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